to be or not to be / lenni vagy nem lenni

sometimes i wish i was not interested in so many things in this life. everything would be so much easier. like it wouldn’t be a huge dilemma to choose a college or the type of education you wanna go for. but i am obviously not one of those people. thus i have been driving myself insane with brainstorming about my options as for further studies. it’s fun but it isn’t. it’s fun that i could do so many different things but it’s not fun ’cause how do you choose? i wish i could do all of it at the same time. that would mean i would be an acting and nursing student while working as a musician and interpretor working on my MA degree in english-american literature learning spanish and french in my free time, possibly travelling in the meantime, posssibly having babies as well-from a husband of course…is that really too much to ask?! seriously though, a few months ago i was only excited and absolutely psyched about ALL the possibilities that lay ahead of me, that basicaly i could do ANYTHING. i am still excited but getting a little frustrated too. it is always hard for me to choose the BEST out of a LOT OF GOOD ideas. it’s a tough life i know anyways, i know i need to make a decision myself and no one else will do it for me. but i could use some prayers por favor and i promise i let you know if some kind of a progress occures on this part of my life

neha azt kivanom, ne erdekelne ennyi minden ebben az eletben. minden annira sokkal konnyebb lenne. peldaul nem lenne akkora dilemma egyetemet vagy oktatasi format valasztani. de lathatoan nem ezek koze az emberek koze tartozom. ebbol adodoan lassan megoritem magam ahogyan probalok dulore jutni azzal kapcsolatban, hogy mit tanulhatnek meg. ez jo is, mert annyi mindent csinalhanek, de nem annyira poen, mert hogyan valasszak?  barcsak mindent egyszerre tudnek csinalni, ami erdekel. ez azt jelentene, hogy szinesznovendek es nover-novendek lennek, mikozben zeneszkent es tolmacskent dolgozom, es a mester-diplomamon dolgoznek angol-amerikai irodalombol, szabadidomben franciat es spanyolt tanulva, lehetoleg sokat utazva mindekozben, es lehetoleg gyerekeket szulve mindekozben- egy ferjtol persze… olyan nagy keres ez?! de most komolyan, par honappal ezelott meg csak izgatott voltam es neurotikusan pozitiv MINDENNEL kapcsolatban ami elottem volt, hogy tulajdonkeppen BARMIT csinalhatok. ez meg mindig megvan, de egy kicist frusztralt vagyok azert most mar. mindig nehez a LEGJOBBAT falasztani a SOK JO OTLET kozul. tudom, nehez az elet szoval tudom, hogy senki mas nem hozhatja meg helyettem ezt a dontest, mert nekem kell valasztanom. de jol jonne egy-ket ima por favor:-) es igerem tudatom, ha eletem ezen teruleten nemi nemu valtozas kovetkezik be.

…

so i am back from hungary where i spent three weeks as my vacation. i haven’t been at home for nine months so it was a rather unique experience going back after this much time. i drove through half of the country and tried to see as many people as possible, friends and family that is. so i am more tired than before i left but that’s ok  being there and seeing those faces actually meant a lot and i think i am able to face the future with even more peace inside. and i don’t wanna talk about the rest:-)

na visszajottem magyarorszagrol, ahol a harom het vakaciot toltottem. kilenc honapja nem voltam otthon ugyhogy mindenkeppen erdekes elmeny volt. a fel orszagot megjartam, probalva minel tobb embert latni, marmint csaladot es baratokat.  szoval faradtabb vagyok most mint mikor elindultam de nem baj az, hogy ott voltam es lattam azokat az arcokat sokat jelentett es asszem egy kicsit megint tobb bekesseggel tudok a jovo fele nezni. a tobbirol meg nem akarok beszelni

bella italia #2

egy het sok mindenre eleg, meg sok mindenre nem. sokat bicikliztunk anyaval, nem tul sok fagyit sikerult enni, sok olasz bort kostoltam meg, mindenbol egy kortyig jutottam…az volt a legjobb, mikor portovenere-be mentunk. gyonyoru a tenger, kellemesen fujt a szel…ott altunk a sziklakon, ahol Byron is allt, meg uszkalt meg ilyenek…az uton hazafele elmentunk Puccini nyari rezidenciajahoz…tiszta kultur-turizmus volt az egesz nap:) vasarnap anya enekelt a punkosdi misen, ot perccel a mise elott eldontottek, hogy en is fogok vele enekelni egy duettet…a padban talaltam egy enekes konyvet, amiben rabukkantam simon&garfunkel “the song of silence” cimu dalara…azota azon gondolkodom, mi alapjan kerult az oda…

well one week is enough for a lot of things and not enough for a lot of things. we biked a lot with my mom, we ate not a lot of ice cream, tasted a lot of italian wine that means i had like one sip of each…portovenere was the best trip-beautiful sea and a nice breeze. we were standing on the same rock as Byron once was standing and swimming…on the way back we visited the summer palace of Puccini…it was  sheer culture-tourism:P my mom sang at the pentecost mass on sunday, 5 minutes before the mass started they decided i am going to sing a duett with her too…then i found a contemporary song book in the pew and in it i found “the song of silence” by simon&garfunkel listed…i am trying to figure out why they included the song ever since…

bella italia

na tegnap megerkeztem a napfenys italiaba. londonban volt kb 15 fok es zuhogott az eso, de en, a rettenthetetlen, csakazertis felvettem a feher nyari ruhamat es kiscipoben elindultam a repterre:) gondoltam, mire vegleg megfaznek es szetaznek, leszallok a 30C-ban, es ot perc alatt megszaradok es felmelegszek-igy is lett. persze minden busz kesett, es a repulo is kesett, aztan a vonat pisa-bol firenzebe is kesett, egyszerre haarom allt a palyaudvaron es egyik sem ment…a nep meg zugolodott, olyan olasz temperamentummal es egyre jobban.tokvicces voltD attol eltekintve, hogy akkor mar alig birtam jarni is, mert a talpamon valami beazonosithatatlan kiutesek keletkeztek reggelre, es delutanra mar nem tudtam, hogy lepjek, hogy ne fajjon…na de, ezen is tul vagyunk:) pisa- kisse getto hangulatom volt, szemet mindenhol es tarsai…a dom meg a torony az azert lenyugozo. eszemeletlen latvany ez a fehermarvany… miutan megettem a csirkes szendvicset- €3.50-ert- a fuvon, ahova ne lehetett leulni, a tabla szerint, de mindenki ott doglott,felkerekedtem, hogy akkor most irany firenze. itt kezdodtek a vonat-gondok, de aztan vegre csak megerkeztem. lenyeg a lenyeg,a firenzei domot megpillantani- na az mindig meghato. lehet, hogy en vagyok a szentimentalis, de nekem mindig meg kll allnom egy percre. sok helyen voltam mar, de ez osszehasonlithatatlan. mindenkinek ajanlom, egyzer legalabb tapasztalja meg :) ja, a ava meg csak most kovetkezett, mert aztan hazabocikliztunk anyaval. miutan en ultem a hatso ulesen de a hatizsakom a kormanyon ulo kosarban nem volt eleg kiegyenlito ero, es szegeny anya ugy tekerte a bicajt, mintha legalabbis a himalajara mennenk felfele, csereltunk…az uj felallas sem volt kevesbbe bamulatr melto, mert most en tekertem, a teblabolo emberek kozott, anyam hatul kurjongatva jatszotta a bicikli csengo szerepet…ja, es szoknyaban voltam ugyebar…hatszoval, igy ertunk haza:) igazi brit-kent megdobbenten talakoztam az elso szunyoggal a szobaban, de miutan felfedeztuk a gekkot, aki a plafonon szaladgalt, megnyugodott a lelkivilagom, mert tudni illik a gekko szerencset hoz es megeszi a szunyogokat…azert a konnektorba dughato szunyogriasztot a biztonsag kedveert benn hagytuk:P regglre a gekko sehol nem volt…nem akarom tudni, hova mehetett es oda hogyan jutott el…nos, a masodik nap egyelore kiraly, delutan varosban valo falngalas, holnap pedog tengerpart. akarmilyen hideg lesz a tenger, senki nem fog visszatartani…na pussz mindenkinek:)

costumer service/vevoszolgalat

today i told off a shoe saleswomen at the market…i consider myself a grownup now:P anyways, i took back a pair of sandals i fell in love with few weeks ago, bought them, wore them, and started tearing…i was SO bummed. i went back, lady was surprised and apologetic but let me choose and other pair eventually. we walked away, happily, i was very polite and all…very appreciative and all…i walked 5 minutes in the new ones when ops, one step, i feel something weird, left one’s string completly came apart, sandal falling off my foot…i keep walking though…two steps after that ops, same thing happens to the right one…!!!!!! i was like WHAT THE HACK??? well i guess i need to go back…again…good thing i put them on and it didn’t happen somewhere else and later…well, this women flipped out on me like crazy! she had the stinkiest attitude and totally was talking to me like i actually walked away with my new pair of sandals, hid somewhere around the corner, damaged my sandals and came back to her demanding an other pair…of course she wouldn’t refund…well too bed i said, i paid for it and you are offending me and accusing me and i am taking this new pair with me because i paid you and your shoes obviously suck…and good bye…and walked away…i feel like a grown up because i didn’t pull off the easter-european-apologetic-i-am-sorry-i-bothered-you-with-my-problem-act, but actually stood up for myself and respectfully but firmly i gave her a piece of my mind. but i still can’t believe her!

ma kisse lehordtam egy eladot a cipoboltban…tisztara felnottnek erzem magam:P naszoval, vissza kellett vigyek egy szandalt, amibe teljesen beleszerettem par hete, megvettem, hordtam, es sajna kezdett elszakadni…eleggel csalodott voltam. visszamentem, a holgy meg volt lepve, nagyon kerte a bocsanatokat, de aztan vegul csak megengedte, hogy valasszak egy masikat. boldogan tavoztunk, bagyon kedves es udvarias voltam, nagyon halas, hogy kicserelhettem, meg minden. elsetaltam az uj szandalomban, ot perc mulva hoppa, fura erzes a bal labamon, a szandal egyik oldala teljesen elengedett, es esik le a labamrol…nembaj, batran tovabbmegyek, ket lepes utan hoppa, ugyanez tortenik a jobb labamon!! MI  A FENE?!??! ugy tunik megint vissza kell mennem…meg jo, hogy felvettem, es nem kesobb tortent ez valahol ,mashol…na a noci olyan szinten kiakadt ram, hogy tatva maradt a szam.baromira buzlott, ahogyan hozza allt a dolgokhoz, teljesen ugy beszelt hozzam, mintha en elmentem volna acipovel, elbujtam a sarkon, elszakitottam, es visszamentem, egy ujabb cipot kovetelve tole…persze penzt nem ad vissza…mondtam, hat az a te bajod, en fizettem ezekert, lathatolag gaz, ahogyan a cipok ossze vannak varva, maga itt engem serteget es vadol mindenfelevel, ugyhogy en fogom ezt a papucsot, es szepen elmegyek, mert en kifizettem az arat, es jonapot…es ott hagytam…felnottnek erzem magam, mert nem adtam elo a kelet-europai-bocsanatkero-elnezest-hogy-zavartam-a-problemammal-jelenetet, hanem kialltam magamert es tiszteletteljesen de kemenyen megmondtam neki, hogy mi a dorges. es tovabbra is tatott szajjal allok a tortentek elott!

banana and peanut butter

i am eating my banana-peanutbutter smoothy right now, i made it myself, i’ve been craving it way too many times lately. i could actually overdose on them. and it just made me think. a year ago i wouldn’t even try peanutbutter and banana together. peanutbutter &jelly was adventurous enough already. but alas, here i am, sipping it with the greatest delight. if it had not been for a smoothy bar on heampstead heath where i happened to take a walk few weaks ago i would not be richer with another addiction, read:banana&peanut butter smoothy. so it made me think. who the hell would have thought a year ago, that i will be living in the land of queens and shakespearian characters, in the most diverse city i’ve ever seen after nyc, off of a high street where you don’t even need to purchase a particular plant to get high-you just need to walk along the street taking big deep breaths…a beautiful place indeed. well i sure thought i would be living on the land of hamburgers…i was wrong. but that’s ok. it feels like i have been here forever. which tells me i am at the right place right now. for now. and i am saying it not proclaming it to the world out there but rather reassuring myself of the fact that it is the right thing. it’s odd to think about this. i wish i could go back where i set out from. back to the land of big plains and to the city of the big yellow church. i wanna do it and it is the last thing i wanna do. i wanna be able to say that’s the place to be and i know that is the last place i should be. oh how i love the paradox facts of life. is it the call of the ‘familiar’? the ‘convinient’? the ‘no challanges’? is it the urge of feeling rooted in spite of the fact that roots grow up-wards to heaven and not the other way round, not in the earth, the soil of an earthly place. only God knows what the answer is and i start to really grasp the idea of “you don’t need an answer to everything”. i have no answers to let’s see 90% of my questions or actual facts or fenomenas of my life. i honestly am trying to just “be” and go with the flow in a positive sense of the expression. laczo keeps telling me writing is a spiritual formation and one needs it primarily for personal growth. it is encouraging to hear this. thanks laczo. even now i feel like i got closer to something that is way beyond me. if that makes sense at all. Lord knows how many hours of my day is occupied with just thinking and pondering upon what “this” is. my life has so radically changed when i left hungary. but since traveling and going to places is actually my comfort zone i haven’t really realized how it affected me. and when the realization hit home…i paniced a little i guess. everything and i mean everything changed. except of me but i am not even sure that is true. i am still me. but i feel like something has been lost that will never come back again. it’s like frodo going back to hobbiton after this massive advanture. it’s the same, the shire he belongs in, but he can’t settle down again…he’s seen too much. in the other hand, anne-with-an-e shirley needed to leave avonle to realize she belonged there and being ripped of the things that defined you for so long is not a bad thing. it is scary and makes you jump but it makes place for something new to come. so just as banana&peanut butter smoothy couldn’t have entered my life in the former situation, something else is at hand that can only enter my life in this situation. thus i reckon i keep sipping my smoothy quite regularly to remind myself of the up-coming…

i’ve got visual:-)

this past week was a week-off for me. hence i got sick and the weather immediately turned crappy. so instead of huge walks and laying on the grass in the park there was lots of walk to the bathroom and laying in the bed/coach. however, dvd-s come handy and watching them all day long doesn’t fill you with guilt-you are sick after all for pete’s sake what else could you do…?! and i was hungry for some artistic experience anyways. i thought i will try to list here the movies i watched and will try to condense my thoughts about the movies into one line each. it is a challenge believe me. but i will try so here we go:

The Graduate - impeccable acting+thoughtful directing=catharsis – everything (acting,words,music,visuals) works together and the result is an art piece where you don’t only see what’s visible. Funny Girl - Barbra Streisand is a genius, period. Blood Diamond-really makes you think about humankind in general, makes you wanna visit Africa and see it’s beauty, and makes me declare that DiCaprio is one of the biggest actors of his generation and i will keep loving him;-) Bourne trilogy- i watched with my sister thus i finally understand what it’s all about… The Queen- most interesting movie; Helen Mirren is truly amazing and i found the dynamic and pace of the movie very interesting. Barefoot in the Park- i wanna read the original play, ’cause Redford and Jane Fonda was not bad at all, but the film as a whole left me hanging somehow. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind- proof of the fact that Jim Carey is a true actor, the whole cast is wonderful, again, it’s art in the purest sense and the theme of the movie is fascinating and thought provoking. To Kill a Mocking Bird- watching Gregory Peck building up a character is sheer joy. Little Miss Sunshine- everyone MUST see this movie, it just gets under your skin,funny as nothing else with a fantastic cast and fantastic visuals. Brokeback Mountain- one word was on my mind all through out the movie:beautiful-from the first moment to the last, incredible performances from all the characters, heartbreaking story and fabulous locations.

Well, that’s all for now. i also went to see King Lear yesterday but i will write about it later. until then, go watch some movies, good ones please:-) good night and don’t get sick.

art

The most recent exhibition at Saatchi Gallery. probably one of the coolest places in London. this one is works by middle-eastern artists. some of them are truly brilliant. here are some examples of it. / egy kis izelito a Saatchi Gallery legutobbi kiallitasabol. kozel-keleti muveszek munkai. nehanyuk egeszen brillians. ez a galeria az egyik legjobb hely Londonban.

new post.

Well Trudy, well Gigi, well Lidia, UNDER YOUR PRESSURE, i am here making a quick update yet again. I DO MISS MY COOLESTEST GROUP. did everyone here it? maybe i should put this as my facebook status, that would make it even more official…oh my oh my.

anyways, i know i haven’t been writing. and i know i know i always say i am trying to change and be consistent here. and i always wonder who the heck cares if i write or not…oh whatever. SO, i have been here in London for about 6 weeks now, this is my third week of work that i love. i live in Camden Town, being Mary Poppins to two lovely kids, talking about the weather a lot (already turning into british;-) , taking huge walks and soaking up this frantic diversity. for the first time of my life, finally, i do go to swim every week. i even went running in my new running shoes. i eman i actually bought myslef some running shoes. out of motivational reasons. i must be going crazy. i am determined to see Jude Law or Gwen Stefani at some point. if i keep jogging on Primrose Hill i eventually will see them. or Amy Winehouse ofr that matter. i live two streets down for her favorite pub. i am so very cool. i live in London. did i mention that? i go get some sleep now. and let everyone ponder upon my coolness for themselves. cheers mates!

quick update

I miss Pleasanton…