fun “things” that make my day, random little moments that make life well, random :
st.james park last week. was still snowing when i crossed it, was a pretty cool few minutes:
this little bugger is only 20months old, but she would not let you help her with a scooter that was made for flipping 4years olds…i am NOT bored with her…:
so christmas is already over. it felt like it happened over a blink of an eye really. the moment i posted my oh so happy feelings about advent and stuff things got rather crazy and the last week before christmas was everything but calm. we moved houses, i got sick, england was hit by the first big snow (oh yeah, that is an issue indeed), and than we were off to italy. they got hit by snow too, so airports were shut down and oh my did we have an eventful extended joy-ride till we got to my mom… few days later we already enjoyed a 20C degree christmas in firenze, goofing around like three teenage girls that were reunited in school break. one week flew by way too fast, i already miss my mom. than came the second week of my very well-needed vacation, hanging out with edo all week in london, way too cool. new years eve was way too cool, laid back coocking/chatting followed up by THE COOLEST january 1st ever, with fresh snow and bright sunshine that made us walk all over hampstead heath for hours and hours. i am more sentimental that you would ever think and these little things matter so much for me. having this awesome start to the new year i just had a feeling this year will be special. ok, maybe it’s just wishful thinking, wanting to have a special gift from God for my last year of being 20something…….[cringe, yuyks, ohmygosh] since i have no idea what to do with this fact, haha! maybe this is why i decided to join a fitness club after all…geeeeezzzzz i’m still laughing. anyways, i did join a fitness club and i went every day this week and i loved it. on my first appointment with the personal trainer i tried very hard not to look like alice in wonderland when she showed me around teaching me how to use all those (crazy/scary) machines. than yesterday we did weight lifting and things like that and i looked in the mirror while lifting and i thought, hmmm, this is interesting…all in all, i love it. so good to get out of the house and feel my muscles. (yes i have got some). oh yeah, if you are wondering why this is such a big deal, let me enlighten you about some little facts about myself: i’ve always loved watching sports and i love playing soccer but in the last 15 years i’ve earned the title of the most anti-fit person. i would be the one to faint at every possible occasion such as school opening ceremonies, simple hot summer day and so on…plus doing sports was so un-cool in my hippy-teenage years…i mean seriously, that just wouldn’t fit the image…so now you can see why i am laughing at myself. i really don’t know what made the difference in my way of thinking. i do admit deep down in my heart it’s sheer fear of some sort. fear of getting old? and the funny thing is that i know i am being ridiculous when i fear of my thirties, ’cause i am actually really looking forward to that decade. i guess when you had all those plans about all those kids you wanted to have before you turned 25 you kinda get funny about soon-turning-30-and-not-even-being-close-to-having-a-boyfriend. which again is ridiculous, ’cause i DO FEEL OK about being where i am EVEN WITHOUT a boyfriend. oh man i have wondered away from my original topic here. but alas, these are the thoughts that came alive in the first weeks of 2010. i know it’s gonna be a good year. i am doing things i’ve never done before and i intend to keep doing that. where is this going? still don’t know. but i do want to be able to look back and say i haven’t wasted the precious days of my life. i live in west-london now which is still cool but i shall remain a devoted north-londoner for the rest of my life. it’s an undiscovered area of the city and i enjoy discovering it. some great theater nights are already on the horizon, i am going to a dave matthews band concert that is at least a 10year dream of mine. friends are coming to visit me and i am going to places too. it will be a great first half of the year for sure, and we don’t need to worry about the unknown second part just yet. so happy new year everyone, stay tuned for the soon to be seen jane fonda-like pictures 
one thing I really enjoy about living in London is definitely the theater. I’ve been rediscovering theater of all sorts on every level. It feels like balm on my soul. I think everyone should be a fan, everyone should go occasionally, maybe instead of losing brain cells in front of rubbish (yes,I actually use this oh-so-british expression) telly (here you go, an other one of those), or something like that. I love how you sit down, the curtain goes up, and you are just totally somewhere else in an instant. You can cry, laugh, be amazed, you can even hate it, as long as you are sucked in, something is happening. I find it amazing that Shakespeare is still relevant in this century, Chechov is still relevant, Brecht is still relevant. The other thing of course about London theater life is, that you come across all those big wigs that live today, English speaking I mean. (and by speaking about these people in superlatives I don’t intend to say the Hungarian theater life/actors are second class) I am still amazed and stand in awe of the fact that in these few months, I’ve seen Rupert-Penry Jones, Kevin Spacey, Ethan Hawke, Simon Russel-Beal, Sinead O’Cusack, Josh Hamilton, Pete Postleweath, James Earl-Jones and Fiona Shaw to mention just a few. I mean, it’s pretty bizarre to sit so close to people you’ve seen in the best movies of all time…what I actually wanted to say was, that we saw Bertold Brecht’s Mother Courage and her Children in the National Theater, and that probably topped everything I’ve ever experienced. It was one of those nights you will never forget, that will be probably in the top 10 list of your most significant moments of your life, at least artistically. I wouldn’t be able to describe the whole thing anyway, so I just wanna say, that Fiona Shaw is probably more amazing than anyone out there. She was IT. I mean, that women sucked you in the first second she appeared on stage. Which by the way happened like this: huge carriage was slowly rising up from under the stage, surrounded by massive smoke, massive music (live on stage!), Mother Courage standing on top of the carriage, dancing and singing…that’s when I started crying the first time…oh yeah, the music was just incredible too. Duke Special is the name of the guy, check him out if you have a minute. The ending and pretty much everything in between, pretty much every single character too, was continuously incredible. It was what theater is meant to be, sucks you in, you are stimulated, you are not at all passively sitting there, you leave your seat after a few hours and something has just changed inside…here is the opening scene by the way:
(i’ve written this a few weeks ago, just couldn’t post it. i know it’s january now;-)
I know advent is nearly over, but I really wanted to write about my advent this year. First of all, this season is probably my favorite anyways. I love the cold, the classic Christmas carols, the food, and yes, more and more I love the idea of slowing down and actually keeping it in mind, that we are about to celebrate/remember the birth of Jesus. Well, this year I had the privilege of going to a special advent-day, or whatever you call a day like this. It was held in Cambridge, where I’ve never been before, so I was already thrilled to see that city. And it didn’t fail me, Cambridge is a really sweet little place, with oooooold colleges and hilarious signs on random things, like this:
So this special day was held at the Simeon Centre, and it was called “the crucible of waiting”. We looked into the meaning of waiting, obviously examining it from a biblical perspective too, than we sang and prayed and enjoyed each other’s company. what really stuck with me was the thought of “waiting” as a positive lifestyle, if that makes sense. I’ve been thinking about this for a while really, so it was rather funny, that we touched these subjects. I’ve been pondering upon this phenomena, if you like, that we seem to be always “waiting” for something. We live our lives and we are always focusing on the “next big thing”. When I move there, when I am out of school, when I am finally married, when I am gonna have the bigger house….and we end up old and tired, and realize, our “present” is the “future” we’ve been always looking forward to. And we just miss out on the “now”, because we are so flipping focused on “what’s ahead”. Anyways, at the beginning of December I made up my mind to slow down and dedicate this month to the slow pace, to the “now”, and yes, to the “remembering Jesus/waiting for Him”-idea. I made an advent wreath, I light the candles every night, and let the world fade away….i know I sound a little cheesy, but I am so happy, that I actually did it, that I am not just talking about how I wanna enjoy the season, but I am totally enjoying it! Anyways, I hope you guys too are having a nice December and it is/ was not all about running around in a frenzy, hunting for gifts and cooking for the crowds that will show up on Christmas day.
A little fun fact as I am closing, here is a picture of the lovely pub with the open fire where we had lunch, and the actual fun fact that was to be found on the menu:
(yes Gigi,this is indeed a new post) if anyone still reads this blog except of Gigi, than hello again, i warmly welcome you on this almost warm mid-november evening. i haven’t been writing, because well, i haven’t been writing. frankly, i lost my motivation whatever my motivation used to be. but frankly, probably no one cares what my motivation was:D and i guess my insecurities are also my business and no one else’s business:P and i am blabbering again:D but seriously, i’ve been witnessing so many misunderstandings lately, mainly caused by some one writing something, mainly on infamous facebook, causing quite a stir and unplugging the imaginary plug from the imaginary tub of comments/opinions. and i kinda got a little fed up with that. and it also made me think, that whenever/if you write on a topic, giving your insights on something you are interested in, people will form an opinion about you and will think they figured you out based on your fb-comment…which is ridiculously ridiculous. so i think i got fed up a little, with all this. i wish people would be less arrogant and quick to judge, less eager to tell you what you should think or should not think, less full of themselves and would just give everyone space and freedom to BE. why do we think we need to make others feel uncomfortable about their own feelings and experiences? why can’t we just leave each other be, and maybe, pay a little more attention to the details, and maybe, be more eager and willing to dig deeper and go further and try understand that other person. and why that other person feels the way he feels and so on…i know this is like shouting in the wind and into outer space…but i guess this is my way of getting rid of my suppressed intense frustration 
but let’s change the subject, so that when you click on the X to get rid of me, you would not remember all this unpleasant stuff, allow me to just say, that London is still the best place to be in, come visit, i take you to the theater or a concert or two, we can take long walks on South Bank and in the parks. and a lot more.
cheers mates:)
(amint lesz egy kis idom, leforditom magyarra is)
first of all i can’t believe it is september which means that it is NOT summer any more. it feels like summer has just begun. and i am already wearing a light coat in the evenings…weird. as a matter of fact this whole fall-feeling, read colorful-leaves-cracking -under-your-shoes-and-you-just-wanna-go-home-and-sip-hot-chocolate-in-front-of-the-fireplace-feeling totally hit me the other day and i thought “wow i am actually ready for the new season”. fall always makes me miss Germany, i can smell the Neckar river and feel the wind in my face when biking to the town square in Freising. it also makes me miss the East Coast in the U.S where the changing colors of the trees are just incredibly unique and special. even more special than Germany. anyways, i don’t mean to do a national geography post here, i am just trying to describe the mood i am in. it is so funny how seasons change in nature and seasons come and go in our lives too. i am truly thankful for that. maybe because i was SO VERY ready for my season to change. my dry-ish desert-ish could ANYTHING make sense in my life-ish season to change. i know i am not the only one who has hard times. i know that people die in Africa every minute, i know that thousands of people live on $1/day, i know that people die of cancer every 5 minutes, afgahns and iraqees and all kinds of soldiers die in the war and we could go on and on. but i also know that God cares for each of us in a special way and for Him it doesn’t matter what makes you shrink and die away and shout He is there with us. i’ve spent quite some time balancing on the verge of total disappearance and life in this past year. i tried not to be too public about it for so many reasons and in a way i hope it will stay like that. but i also feel like there are things i wanna share with people. for example, i wanna share how cool it is to experience a grand spiritual come -back. how indescribable it is when Jesus lifts you out of the pit. how painful it is to be ripped off of everything you knew, you loved, everything you thought made you “you”, everything that gave you purpose and meaning. how painful it is to “wait upon the Lord” ’cause you know that He is sovereign and He sometimes chooses NOT to reveal himself right away. still, you know that He is your ONLY chance so you keep trusting. and when nothing has any meanings anymore, you just “are”. you just wanna “be” and all you can say to God is “i am ‘being’ here and that’s all i know. You see that i ‘am’, the rest is your business”. i wanna talk about this because i think too many times we fail to be honest. we are afraid or i don’t know what, but when we put on the “how are you going?”-”oh God is good”-mask, i could scream and kill… how on earth do we want to show the world who Jesus truly is, how He lifts us up, how He loves us even at our worst, how real He is, if we smile all the time, everything is just fine all the time, we always have a verse to quote to remind people how God is in control etc. what i am trying to say is that sometimes (many times) we don’t know what to say. we don’t know what to think. we don’t understand it. we can’t see the good in the disaster. we don’t know why we feel like sh*t. yes, God knows, He is in control and He can see the purpose in everything. the purpose is to mold us into the image of Jesus. but that involves some heavy stuff, such as sitting in the pit and not being able to explain anything- because that’s when you realize that you don’t belong to yourself. that you are merely a human being and you can not put yourself together. you can not build yourself up. you can not make yourself go on. you need Jesus. you need less of “you” in your life and more of Him, more of His eternal purpose for anything you do and make and store up in this life is meaningless and will fade away when you die. only the things that you did for eternety will go on after you left this earth. so, i hope you see my point. i hope you see that what i am saying is simply this: be honest with yourself and God-He honors that and NEVER leaves your honesty without a supernatural response. He loves you when you can not pray, when you can not read your Bible, when you are confused and lash out on Him…He loves you and can see your heart. and He will act. in it’s due time, in His perfect timing. His Holy Spirit is there to speak to your heart. and He knows why He keeps silent and when He wants to talk. He did it for me and i am forever grateful for that. in this past recent weeks i received two news about two deaths. one 14years old boy, the brother of my dear friend suffered from cancer and went home to the Lord. than the best friend of my mom died on the table during an 8 hour heart surgery. it made me stop. what do i live for? am i wasting my time chasing things that are good but not God’s best for ME? do i really appreciate what i have now? do i realize how much i am loved by my family and friend? do i realize how important it is to live on full throttle, focusing on the good things and forget about the unimportant little frustrations which really are not so frustrating but i am selfish and i make a big deal about silly things that “make my life so miserable”…so anyways, i hope this made sense and i do wanna challenge you, dear reader. could you stop here and now and take a moment to thank God for what He blessed you with in this life, turn to your wife and tell her you love her, text your friends and tell them you love them, write your dad who is hard to love and tell him you love him, make breakfast for your sister who is so annoying sometimes, make that decision about your life and future that seems to be so scary and un-tread upon, because you don’t know, if you or your wife or sister or friends are gonna be here tomorrow. you don’t know how many times you can hug them and smile at them and enjoy their presence. stop and think about the things you live for. and remember that Jesus is always there. He LOVES YOU ALWAYS, NO MATTER WHAT.
my heart is still so full…little did i know what i signed up for when i bought the tickets for wembley stadium back in march. i mean, i always loved the band but i’ve never been a fanatic “only-U2-is-the-real-thing” person. well now, let me tell you, i think that night of august 15th was probably the most incredible basicly spiritual experience of this year. as a matter of fact, it’s a milestone in my life. the more i think about it and the more i wanna write about it the more i realize that i will never be able to fully discribe it. when i was a teenager i was in love with jim morrison (yes that’s right) but that was about it as for being a fan of a rockband and all that jazz. but when these four walked in and the lights lit up the stage…i had a mild heartattack of excitement. by the end of the first song i was in love. when the 88000people started singing “but i still haven’t found what i’m looking for” with only Edge on the guitar…i was about to plainly pass out . i’ve been smiling ever since. now the week after i decided to do a short trip to Cardiff, Wales. when i could barely find a place to stay on such short notice “because of the concert” i realized U2 is doing it’s last gig there on saturday…now the rest is history my heart is still so full.
wembley in the background
cardiff with A, the aftermath of the concert can be seen on our faces:)
it’s my turn to come with Oswald you know i feel like the fields after a long draught. the soil has cracks and gaps in it, no living thing can survive that feed off of you…and than the rain starts falling down, drop by drop, giving back the true colors of the fields…well here is the next drop on my cracked surface. i feel the water trickeling and tickeling my inner parts. fixing my eyes on the signs of the sky for when the flood comes i could stand on firm ground
THE BAFFLING CALL OF GOD
And all things that are written by the prophets
concerning the Son of Man shall be accomplished … And
they understood none of these things. Luke 18:31,34
God called Jesus Christ to what seemed unmitigated disaster. Jesus
Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death; He led every one
of them to the place where their hearts were broken. Jesus Christ’s
life was an absolute failure from every standpoint but God’s. But
what seemed failure from man’s standpoint was a tremendous triumph
from God’s, because God’s purpose is never man’s purpose.
There comes the baffling call of God in our lives also. The call of
God can never be stated explicitly; it is implicit. The call of God
is like the call of the sea, no one hears it but the one who has the
nature of the sea in him. It cannot be stated definitely what the
call of God is to, because His call is to be in comradeship with
Himself for His own purposes, and the test is to believe that God
knows what He is after. The things that happen do not happen by
chance, they happen entirely in the decree of God. God is working out
His purposes.
If we are in communion with God and recognize that He is taking us
into His purposes, we shall no longer try to find out what His
purposes are. As we go on in the Christian life it gets simpler,
because we are less inclined to say – Now why did God allow this and
that? Behind the whole thing lies the compelling of God. “There’s a
divinity that shapes our ends.” A Christian is one who trusts the
wits and the wisdom of God, and not his own wits. If we have a
purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the leisureliness
which ought to characterize the children of God.
nos, mivel amugy is azt mondjak, hogy nyitott kony vagyok es minden kul az arcomra es nem tudok semmit takargatni, gondoltam megfelelek a rolam kialakult kepnek, es tovabbi gondolatokkal szolgalok a legutobbi bejegyzesemmel kapcsolatosan, ahol az eletem dilemmait boncolgattam (na ez jo hosszu mondat lett).az utobbi idoben olyan jo -gondolat ebreszto es provokalo- beszelgeteseim voltak, es egyertelmuen latom, hogy Isten elkezdett megmutatni nekem dolgokat. mar pusztan maga a teny, hogy ujra latom az O vezeteset, egy nagyszeru teny, hogy mast ne mondjak. ugy erzem, hogy vege annak az idoszaknak, amikor tavol marad, legyen barmi is az oka annak, de ez egy kulon bejegyzest erdemel. amit majd meg nis teszek, mert tokjo dolog Istenrol ujabb dolgokat felfedezni. engem izgatottsaggal tolt el az biztos. naszoval, ezek a pozitiv ertelemben provokativ beszelgetesek szepen osszeadodtak, es itt a kovetkeztetesem: az elet tul rovid ahhoz, hogy ossze-vissza bohozkodjunk benne es ertelmetlen dolgokkal elpazaroljuk. tul rovid es tulsagosan is ertekes ahhoz, hogy csak uljunk,nyivakoljunk es sajnaljuk magunat, mikozben Isten “kuldetes-szeruen” folyton korulvesz szeretetevel es minden percben meg akar minket aldani. hogy felnyissa a szemunket a teremtett vilag minden szepsegere stb stb.es ne ertsen senki felre, vannak idoszakok, mikor a nyavajgas is ok, es gyaszolunk es sajnaljuk magunkat, de annak is van egy egeszseges hatara. tehat hogy mindezt a sok bolcsesseget amire itten szert tettem az adott helyzetre alkalmazzam, vagyis foiskola vagy sem, mit hol mikor stb, micsoda meglepetes, rajottem, hogy oszintenek kell lennem, amikor a prioritasaimrol gondolkodom. ugyhogy ujra kell fogalmaznom ezeket a bizonyos dilemmakat/kerdeseket. mindazok a dolgok, amik erdekelnek, amiket szivesen tanulnek/csinalnek, nagyszeru dolgok, tokjo lenne oket megtenni,es miert is ne tennem meg oket? a lenyegi kerdes itt az, hogy probalok rajonni, merre tovabb, mert a legnagyobb almom az egy szep otthon, ferjjel es a negy gyerekemmel meg egy oriasi konyhaval, ahol fozhetek es suthetem a sajat kenyeremet es a barataim barmikor beugorhatnak egy kavera stb…DE, mivel ebben a percben nem dorombol senki az ajtomon a gyemant gyuruvel, addig is akarok/muszaj valamit kezdenem az eletemmel, amivel Istent tisztelem, barmi is legyen az, es NEM akarok csak uldogelni es sajnalni magam azert amim meg nincsen, es irritalo, frusztralt libakent letezni…szoval itt van az ujra-fogalmazott ima keresem: hogy az Ur megmutassa, mi a kovetkezo lepes, itt es most ebben az adott helyzetben….ami az 1.szamu almot illeti, az egy kulon bejegyzes, tele sok-sok erdekes megvitatando temaval…talan majd egy nap arrol is irok. ugyhogy meg mindig nincs valaszom, de asszem mar haladtunk elore egy kicsit
so, since i’ve been told i wear my heart on my sleeves i would like to live up to my reputation and provide some further thougths on the topic of my previous post where i was going crazy because of the lot of dilemmas of my life (wow that is a long sentence). i’ve been having such good conversations, challenging and provoking conversations lately and i definitely see God has started revealing things to me. merely the fact that i can see His leading again is an awesome fact to say the least. i think the time of Him staying hidden for whatever reason is coming to an end in a sense but that alone requires an other post. wich i will do because it’s kinda cool to realise things about God. i am excited. anyways, so these challanging conversations and all added up after a while and here i am with a conclusion: life is too short to mess around and do nonsense with our lives. too short and too valuable to sit around whining and feeling so sorry for ourselves all the time when in the meanwhile God surrounds us with his love and makes it his mission to bless us every single minute. to open our eyes to see the beauty in his creation and so on and so on. and don’t get me wrong there are times when it’s ok to feel sorry for ourselves a little and mourne but there is a healthy limit to that too. anyways, so to apply all this wisdom i came up with here to my dilemmas, e.g. college or not and what and where and all…i realized -duh’ what a surprise- i should be honest when it comes to priorities. so i need to re-phrase my dilemma/question. all these lot of things that i am interested in and would love to be doing/studying are great things, fun to do and why not. the real issue here is that i am trying to see which one to choose because the number one dream is to have a nice home with a husband four kids and a giant kitchen where i can bake my own bread and cook away and have friends over anytime they feel like pop in for a coffee and so on and so on…BUT since no one is banging my door with a diamond ring as for now, i need/want/got to do something with my life and still honour God with whatever i am doing and NOT sit around feeling sorry for what i don’t have and being a frustrated irritating goose…so here it is, my re-phrased prayer request- that the Lord would show me what is the next step right now right here in this situation…and as for praying for the number one dream, now that’s a totally different post loaded with tons of interesting things to talk about…maybe one day i will write about it. so there, still don’t know the answer but i think we’ve made progress here
i had the pleasure of watching one of the kids chanels tonight with Charlotte before we went to bed. the story was about little fairies and dwarves living in the forest, doing magic and stuff. their only animal companion was a ladybug, whos name was Gaston and he practically barked one every time his name was mentioned…wow…
ma mielott Charlotte-ot agyba tettem volna, volt szerencsem vele meset nezni az egyik gyerek csatornan. a mese kicsi tunderekrol es manokrol szolt, akik ossze-vissza varazsolgatnak. az egyetlen allat-tarsasaguk egy Gaston nevre hallgato katicabogar volt, aki, akarhanyszor megemlitettek ot, tulajdonkeppen vakkantott egyet…aha…
